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I am good enough

imageI seem to have amnesia when it comes to achievement. After a challenging couple of years around bereavement and ensuing family health issues affecting household income followed by an enforced house move I think my confidence suffered hugely.

As someone who now works as a Life and Business Coach and has worked  in training, education and development I somehow expect myself to be Teflon coated, but I’m not! I’m simply human and also have vulnerabilities despite being outwardly confident, competent and achievement oriented. A fellow coach told me of a client who claimed she ‘used to have a degree’! I totally relate – I sometimes simply forget all of my lifetime accomplishments! These reminders often come from external feedback or probing questions.

I know that it is this vulnerability that gave birth to my desire to support others to overcome adversity, find potential and strive for their goals. Many people just need a compassionate soul to encourage and inspire them towards their deepest secret ambitions. Now, as a fully grown and responsible adult I believe in the support of a coach and mentor to keep up momentum of forward movement to prevent me from living a life of quiet desperation.

I know that on my journey I have had the benefit of teachers and managers who believed in me as well know the damage caused by those who didn’t. All of this has helped to create the internal dialogues that can on one hand tell me I’m not good enough and on the other tell me I am. The brain and the ego work in mysterious ways creati g internal conflict but herein lies our endless potential.

In the end I can only look at the evidence of the distance travelled in life and the loving connections I’ve made along the way. I am loved, I am loving, I am living well. I can always choose enough treat myself with care and compassion knowing that I deserve everything good in life. I can forgive myself for my vulnerability,  I can value myself as I would value everyone I hold in high regard. I can forgive myself for not being perfect and accept that my imperfections protect me from arrogance and leave me room for growth whilst allowing me to be accepting of others particularly those who I press my buttons or transgress my values.

Ultimately,   I am good enough – and so are you! Xx

 

 

 

 

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Mum and Dad

Mum and Dad

Today is a reminder of how families grow and decline. I awoke to the realisation that I have a new little nephew called Caelan. He was born last night to my sister Louise. Louise is my youngest sibling and was perhaps closest to my Mum and Dad. Louise is so pleased to be a mum again, she also has a gorgeous daughter aged 9.
We lost Dad suddenly in 2010 quite suddenly and unexpectedly and I know how he would have loved to have welcomed another grandson. I lost a baby boy 10 years ago as he was born prematurely and did not survive the birth. I remember how desperate I felt to be a Mum to a boy and how devastating it was to explain to my 7 year old how her much wanted sibling had not survived. Thankfully she now has a sister and I am blessed to have my two gorgeous girls.
When I saw my nephew’s photographs texted to my mobile phone today, It brought tears to my eyes. I felt instant joy as the site of this gorgeous new little life. This was quickly followed by a deep yearning to cuddle and hold the baby. I then felt the deeply buried sadness again for the loss of my own baby boy. I always feel slightly jealous of others who manage to keep their baby boys.
Up until now most boys carry the family name into marriage and secure the family’s future. My eldest daughter is from my first marriage, her Dad did not go on to have any other children. He has a sister who married so neither of them have a legacy to carry on their family name.
The same applies with my current husband. We have a daughter and are not going to have any other children, so the decline of the family name is evident for us too. (I took his name when we married).
I feel sad at the loss of my Dad and my son and at how I have contributed to the decline of the family name for the fathers of my children for the future. I realise how my body failed in supporting the expansion of my family.
The only way to prevent the continuation of my daughters surnames would be for the girls to keep their names when they marry and use the name for their children. This would go against tradition so is perhaps unlikely.
Despite all this, I feel that all families somehow carry on though the names may change and besides I am truly blessed to have had a mum and a dad who loved me as I love them. The surnames are titles for the on-going family names. Actually what really matters though is the role we play within the title, the proudest title I ever earned is simply Mum, the most joy I ever had was teaching my children to say Dad(dy). I love this picture of my Mum and Dad and know it was taken about the same time as making me!

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